Letting Go & Moving On

The strength required to let go and move on when you are a person who loves hard & is passionate about relationships is by far the hardest yet beautiful experiences I have ever had to face. Being an empath definitely makes this a bumpier ride but we’ll discuss that in another post. 2020 was the year of “2020 vision". HA! I had all these grand visions of what I had anticipated to accomplish and 2020 had other plans. That 2020 vision involved me not just recognizing others, as this is important, but I had to take a serious look at ME!!

2019 was the year of awareness, awakening and acceptance.

2020 has been the year of recognition, reconciliation, & release. I have lived so much of my life in the mindset of what things are “supposed” to look like…EVEN AS I KNOW BETTER NOT TO VIEW LIFE THIS WAY! The loss of 3 very important relationships forced to dive within….waaaaay within. After all the introspection, I had to come to understand it’s ok for things to change. It’s ok to not entertain gaslighting & it’s also ok not to have closure from other parties. I have to create my own closure & part of that journey to closure to things that once were was to understand who I truly am, which isn’t a bad thing.

When it comes to my mom & brother, it’s ok that things aren’t the way they used to be. It doesn’t have to be the way they used to be. The way things are now are exactly how things are supposed to be & my trying to always impose my perspective onto others is unnecessary & futile, especially when people are only willing to meet you to their own level of understanding. Accepting this was the absolute hardest, but I know this is the way to peace.

Regarding my lost friendship…I held on to a relationship that had in fact ended long before the physical end & made excuses for her unhealthy toxic behavior because I wanted to avoid confrontation & feel accepted by someone I had known for so long that I had simply grown “used” to. My toxic behavior pattern of ignoring hers, which also in turn, continued to enable hers, but my not bringing to light matters that needed addressing was literally to my own detriment, & for that, I can accept full responsibility for. But this thought pattern & behavior didn’t start with my friend, it started with my relationship with my mother & bled into my next closest relationship(s), in which I had very few.

As I began to dig deeper into my own spiritual journey, I never anticipated I wouldn’t be able to share it with the one person I called my best friend, but the universe saw fit not only to open my eyes to family but friends as well. I had to reconcile these occurrences, and now I have with some assistance. Now that I am fully aware of my part I played, I can actually let all this go. I can let go of the guilt, the needing closure, the idea of how things are “supposed to be”. I will eventually explain, but I now understand my need to hold on to unhealthy relationships. With all relationships mentioned, I had to learn that there are some roads and journeys I HAVE to take ALONE. No family, no friends, no partner. Just me & God-until the time is right.

🦋The most beautiful example of the growth of the butterfly🦋

I have learned to set boundaries with my family when I thought doing so was selfish of me. I mean, who am I to set boundaries with my own mom? I’ve learned this is ok & have learned to have more compassion for why she may be the way she is. As far as my brother, boundaries are simply set. No further discussion is needed there.

I can’t let the way a past friendship ended impact any future relationships. I can’t become guarded because I can miss my blessing of persons I may need & vice versa. I still want God, the Universe, to use me. Anyone who is not on your same evolutionary & spiritual frequency will distance himself from you, while all those who ARE on the same evolutionary & spiritual frequency as you will come closer to you; you will see how amazing it is to discover that everyone who needs to be by your side will ultimately appear in your life in the most spontaneous & divine manner.

Pretending to be healed from something when you are not can be damaging. Although these experiences were painful, I had to go through this. I had to see things that were in my face the entire time but afraid to acknowledge. The wisdom that comes from these moments are deeply welcomed. I aliken these experiences to child birth, if you will. You know there is something so beautiful within you that is growing. You give yourself the proper nutrients, that beautiful being inside you continues to mature and grow. It is now time for labor….THE WORK! My “work” was these past few years. The beauty of who I am has been growing, I just didn’t see my full potential. The squeezing that takes place, the dramatic change in environment that begins to shift that beautiful being to the surface of new life. You know the discomfort is necessary but you are afraid. You understand that pain is inevitable so you know you have to endure to further get this beautiful being to the other side. It’s time to push because now the environment is optimal for birth. The process of multiple cycles of squeezing, pushing, & breathing through the pain you know will yield you the birth of your beautiful person any moment now. Keep breathing…you know this pain isn’t forever. This new life, this new being is almost here. Just a bit more. And it happens. A beautiful new being has been born. The most beautiful thing about renewal or RE-birth is now we can operate from a place of experience and wisdom.

Today...the reality that relationships, friendships change, seasons change, trajectories change...it’s all humbling. It’s all sobering. And it’s actually all very ok. I realize that all the above changes shook me, but that change didn’t break me. It was indeed my rebirth. Most people would probably be embarrassed to admit the things I’ve disclosed. I believe it speaks to the heart of the growth & the strength of who I am to actually admit to my way of thinking & living. My heart is just big. I didn’t really understand that that could actually be harmful. All things in moderation. How can having a big heart have boundaries? I’m an overly passionate person who would give of myself to the point I was toxic. I didn’t want to be alone, so I would give & give & give. That’s a hard concept to grasp & admit to. It has taken me years to acknowledge who I am & what I’m made of and I’m still growing & getting to know myself...and through this self discovery, I know BETTER & I shall grow better. I can no longer be concerned about being made to look bad or who side will people believe. Time reveals all things when it’s necessary, IF it’s necessary. I have taken the biggest leap of faith exposing my true self & that was extremely hard. And it is now time to release. & move on. Ase.

#evolutionalways