My Sister's Keeper-How Mother/Daughter Relationships can Impact Sisterhood-Part 2 of 2

For much of my life, I haven’t always had the most tangible positive female relationships & unfortunately, in 2017 & 2018, the closest relationships I did have, were not as solid as I had perceived. But there is beauty in the breakdowns of these relationships. I was forced to grow spiritually & deal with my dependence on the familiarity of having people around, “just because” I was used to their presence. I could not recall my mother having consistent communications or interactions with any of her sisters with her expressing many pleasentries. Everything was always everyone else’s fault. Everyone was so distant! Then I was forced to deal with the fact that I did not have the relationship I felt I needed with my mom when I was younger. The hard part was realizing this in 2018(36 years of age). Now the mother of 2 girls, I felt, I feel it is absolutely imperative that I give my daughters something different, something I felt I didn’t have. Unsure of how to do this because I have no sisters, only a brother, I ensure Antoinette makes sure she’s to always look out for her sister, because for one, Antoinette is the big sister! Two, I want to ensure that everyday I am given the wisdom to raise my daughters up in a way that as women in our family, our communication is to ALWAYS be open & that we support one another! Even when it’s hard. I stress this to my son often.

As a parent, I constantly feel I am falling short when it comes to my girls. I don’t want to repeat any unhealthy habits or begin any that would prevent my daughters from staying close as they grow older. And I am in constant prayer that my daughters will always come to me if they need me, no matter what may be going on with them. I truly feel and have pretty much accepted that the hell I have gone through, with my family anyway, is because I have been preparing to be a part of breaking generational curses when it comes to my family, my girls. My daughters are a true extension of me and man I have a tall order to fill. As a black woman raising 2 biracial girls, I have so much to consider that I have to educate them on, instill in them.

I often wondered why God felt I needed to not only have any more children, but give us another daughter. And I would like to believe that the conclusion I have reached is because God wanted me to experience sisterhood from a different perspective. So although I don’t have any biological sisters, I get to go to God for guidance in how to ensure my daughters understand the depth of the relationship they have. I get to watch them grow into their own sisterhood. I get to learn from them even though they are my children. I mean, who says you can’t learn anything from your kids??

The beautiful thing I have witnessed is that Antoinette is truly a mother hen. Her personality is one that is well beyond her age. She has a bit of a robust character, a true Virgo indeed. Quite the sassy one & has strong leadership skills, what one may see as “bossy.” She has no filter & is my lil thrill seeker. She’s also loud and country like her momma and very expressive. Janiva on the other hand is alot like my son, my dad and myself…quite sensitive, such a free spirit & she’s quite the cuddle bug. My girls literally embody all of who I am!

One of the main take aways I’ve had to come to terms with is that even though my mom is my mom, she is also a human being & imposing any expectations on her or anyone else for that matter is simply me setting myself up for failure. Me setting expectations for others is not my job. I’ve had to learn & am continuing to learn that I have to detach myself from what something is “supposed” to look like and “supposed” to be. I am only responsible for the path I pave for my daughters and I moving forward.

I love watching my daughters interact. Seeing them everyday reminds me of the importance of sisterhood & my job as their mother. In this point in my life, I live vicariously through my girls as I simultaneously & reluctantly try to be open to connecting with like minded women developing sister-like relationships for myself. Oh!!! The support systems I have gained in the path, losses and breakdown of others has been eerily right on time. The bond of sisterhood is more important than ever before, especially for our black and brown girls. It is our duty as black women, black mothers to protect such a beautiful relationship. It is also my prayer that as God sees fit, that the relationship between my mother & I find a place of healing, whatever that may look like.

My last word is one of encouragement-we should not accept taking part in toxic relationships simply because of who one may be to us. And we cannot let only time alone dictate the quality of a relationship, ANY RELATIONSHIP. If you find yourself at odds within a relationship that you would’ve never anticipated, do not force yourself or subject yourself to continue to be in that environment. Oftentimes, if there appears to be a moment of separation or ending, it’s for a reason. And it is here we have to learn to pause, reflect and self evaluate ourselves, our relationships & seek the lesson. Be open to truth. Be open to accountability. Be the woman you needed as a girl. Be open to growth so that you can build stronger relationships moving forward...for your mothers, for your daughters, for your sisters, for yourself.